The Journey

My mom has always told me to enjoy the journey.

That's been the theme of her advice to me throughout my short 29 (almost) years of life.

Gosh I love that woman.

But it's not just about rainbows and roses and my mom would certainly not tell me to smile or fake it when life is beating me down. But I think there is a way to enjoy the journey... to learn from the journey, even when it's really, really hard.

I look through the pictures on my Facebook and am filled with gratitude. I have a beautiful life, incredible friends, adventures, opportunities, success, family. It's wonderful.
But in between those pictures are seasons of pain... part of the journey.

It's been a painful few months in Haiti and it's part of the journey. You get betrayed and betrayed again. But there are really beautiful parts too. All part of the journey. I want to enjoy the journey like my mom taught me.

I want to embrace the journey.
I want to accept the journey even at the lowest and most painful points.

I was telling a friend tonight that we can't skip the steps of grief and pain. We can't just jump over the part that includes tears and cuss words and real pain. We can't skip these steps or we'll never arrive at the end destination where we want to be.

But when it hits you over and over and over again, you start to wonder how much you can take... and how much God requires of you.

I'm in that place right now... wondering how much God requires of me. I face each day with courage. I'm not afraid of failing organizations or evil men. But I do ask God -- how long? How long am I supposed to take this? Isn't it taking a toll on my body? My mind? My heart?

Sure, it is. But until God tells me to move on, I will remain. I will touch each person I come into contact with with as much love and grace as I can muster. I will encourage and help my missionary friends because geez this missions life is rough. I will encourage our clinic staff to be the best they can be, the best we can be together. I will be a humble leader but I will be a strong one. I will continue to pray for wisdom and boldness to do what I'm called to do and not more than that. I keep giving more and more of my heart to this country and honestly it scares the dickens out of me. I don't know how I'll ever transition back to America because honestly I love this beautiful, messy life that's here in Haiti.

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